The cruelest math on the internet

What's it really worth?

Punch in any jackpot and Lucky Louie figures out what you'd actually pocket — after Uncle Sam takes his cut.

💰 Run the numbers Plan your dream

Step right up, pal — let's see them riches!

Lucky Louie celebrating with a winning ticket

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✦

The Payout-O-Matic

The Winnings Calculator

Your big break

Pick a game or type your own numbers.

Game

Advertised jackpot (annuity)

Cash / lump-sum value

How do you want it?

Federal tax rate — 37%

0%Top bracket 37%

State tax rate — 0%

No-tax stateHigh-tax state

Split the loot with…

1 just me

You take home

Enter a jackpot to see the damage.

💵 Lump sum (net)—

📅 30-year total (net)—

Gross winnings$0

Federal tax (37%)−$0

State tax (0%)−$0

You keep$0

Louie says

Pop in a jackpot, partner — then I'll tell ya how to keep it.

See the playbook →

Now go spend it →

Estimates only, friend — uses the 37% top federal rate and your chosen state rate. Real life has brackets, withholding & a good accountant. The lottery is a tax on hope; play for fun. 🍀

Dreaming of the big one?

Louie's 48-page playbook shows you exactly what to do the day it hits — so you don't become another statistic.

Get the Guides →

The fun part

The Dream Planner

Take your winnings for a test drive. Slide the dials, build your dream life, and watch what's left in the pot.

Your take-home jackpot

Straight from Louie's mouth

So you won. Now what?

Around 70% of big winners go broke within five years — not from bad luck, but from being unprepared. Here's Louie's first-things-first checklist.

🎟️

Steps 1–5

Before You Do Anything

Sign the back of your ticket immediately.

An unsigned ticket is a bearer instrument — it belongs to whoever holds it. If you lose it before signing, it's gone.

Make copies first.

Photograph it, scan it, make physical copies, store them in separate secure locations (safe, safety deposit box, attorney's office).

Tell nobody.

Not your mom. Not your best friend. Not your dog. (Okay, your dog won't tell. But still — practice keeping the secret first.)

Hire a lottery attorney before you claim.

They can advise on claiming as a trust or LLC to protect your identity in many states.

Find a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) with sudden-wealth experience.

Not your cousin who "does stocks." This is a specialty.

💰

Steps 6–11

The Smart Money Moves

Lump sum vs. annuity?

Annuity protects you from yourself. Lump sum gives control if you have a great team. Talk to your CFP — really, really seriously.

Pay off all high-interest debt first.

Every dollar of credit card debt you eliminate is a guaranteed 20%+ return. No investment beats that.

Set a "family fund" limit upfront.

Decide exactly how much you'll give family and friends — then stick to it, in writing, with a lawyer. Without limits, the money never stops flowing out.

Give yourself a 6-month "no major decisions" rule.

No quitting your job on day one. No buying a yacht by Friday. No moving to Tahiti next week. Wait. Sleep. Think.

Diversify, diversify, diversify.

Index funds, real estate, bonds, treasuries. The winners who go broke? They put it all in one thing — usually a "hot" tip a friend gave them.

Live like you didn't win — for a while.

Most winners blow through their fortune trying to "look rich." Stay in your house. Drive your car. Adjust your lifestyle gradually, not overnight.

🧠

Steps 12–15

The Mental Health Reality

Sudden wealth syndrome is real.

Isolation, anxiety, paranoia, and depression are remarkably common after winning. Consider a therapist who specializes in wealth transitions.

Old relationships will change.

Some for the better, many for the worse. People you barely know will reappear. Long-lost relatives will surface. Protect your peace.

Consider staying anonymous if your state allows it.

Several states allow lottery anonymity (Delaware, Kansas, Maryland, North Dakota, Ohio, South Carolina, and others). Use it if you can.

Get a P.O. Box, change your number, lock your socials.

Once your name is public, the requests start within hours. Be ready.

Want the whole playbook?

These 15 tips are the tip of the iceberg. The full guide is 48 pages — state directories, trust breakdowns, and printable worksheets.

Get the Guides →

★

The complete playbook

Win your way
out of dystopia.

The step-by-step playbook for handling a lottery win without losing your fortune — or your mind.

✓The first 24 hours — sign, stay quiet, and exactly what to do before you tell a soul.

✓Build your money team — finding a lottery attorney, a sudden-wealth CFP & CPA, plus the red flags.

✓Trusts & investing, in plain English — five trust types and the 70/20/10 framework with real fund tickers.

✓Printable worksheets — allocation plans, family conversations, tax planning & generational wealth.

48 pages · Printable · Instant PDF download

$9.99

Grab the Playbook → Try the planner first

Instant download · secure checkout via Payhip.

Complete the set

Don't Be So Morbid

A user's guide to a responsible death. End-of-life planning done calmly, practically, and — yes — with a little dark humor. Especially handy once you've come into sudden wealth. 32 pages · Printable PDF.

$6.99

Add it on →

About Probability Glitch

Statistically impossible.
Emotionally certain.

The origin story

Why did we build this?

Have you ever stood in line at a gas station, eyed the Powerball jackpot ticker, and started doing math in your head? "If I won that, I'd pay off all my debt, put a down payment on a house, bump my savings past $5, finally take that trip to Japan…"

Yeah. Us too. Constantly.

Here's the thing nobody tells you: the dreaming part is genuinely valuable. When you imagine winning, you reveal what you actually want — debt freedom, time with family, the courage to leave a job that's burning you out, the chance to be generous. That's not silly. That's real planning dressed up in a fun way.

So I built Probability Glitch to take that little gas-station fantasy seriously — without taking ourselves seriously. The calculator gives you real numbers. The planner forces real choices. And the Win Your Way Out of Dystopia guide is a no-joke survival kit for the absurdly unlikely event your numbers actually come up.

The house rules

What I believe

Dreaming is healthy.

Imagining a different life is how you figure out what you want from your real one. Nobody should make you feel weird about it.

Reality matters too.

The odds of winning Powerball are 1 in 292,201,338. We won't pretend otherwise. If you're spending the rent on tickets, please stop reading and call 1-800-522-4700.

Most lottery winners go broke.

Around 70% of major winners are bankrupt within a few years. That's tragic and preventable — and most of it comes down to not having a plan.

You don't need to win to benefit.

Budgeting, allocating, saying no to bad investments, paying off debt — those skills work just as well on a normal paycheck. Dream big, plan small, win either way.

Humor and honesty can coexist.

You can laugh about something and tell the truth about it at the same time. That's our whole vibe.

What you can do here

🧮

Calculator

See what's left after taxes.

Try it →

💭

Dream Planner

Allocate every imaginary dollar.

Try it →

🎟️

Winner Tips

15 things to do if you actually win.

Read →

What this is not

Not financial advice

I'm not your CPA, attorney, therapist, or fairy godmother. The calculators use simplified estimates, and the guide is a starting framework — not a substitute for the real professionals you'll need to hire.

Not a lottery sales site

I don't sell tickets, I don't tell you which numbers to pick, and I don't believe in "systems" that improve your odds. (Spoiler: there aren't any.)

Not affiliated with anyone

Definitely not any lottery commission. I have no inside info. I just like math, dreams, and playing with code.

A note on responsible play 🍀

The lottery is gambling, and the expected return on a ticket is almost always negative. Please only spend what you can afford to lose — and treat it as entertainment, not investment. If gambling is causing problems for you or someone you know, real help is here, free and confidential, 24/7:

📞 1-800-522-4700 🌐 GamblersAnonymous.org

Get in touch

Got a question? Spotted a bug? Want to share your dream allocation? We'd love to hear from you.

📧 Say hello

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